Here is my selfie I posted on IG yesterday, and if you click on the pic it will take you to what I had to say, but I wanted to elaborate on it a little bit more, and also know that maybe not all of you have an IG account…
Compared to people I have met during my journey, I’ve been relatively lucky, my mum had been big as a child so understood the struggles of being a big girl, she was severely bullied at school, so she didn’t give me a hard time. My grandmother would often tell me I needed to lose weight etc, but again, wasn’t overly hard on me. The one thing I do remember is when all three of us were shopping for an outfit for my 9th birthday party, all I wanted was the tight satin trousers, something a like to the trousers Sandy wears at the end of Grease (it was the 80’s remember), and them both looking at me pitifully and saying that I wasn’t really built for such an outfit…. I ended up with a pink and white gingham sun dress, a far cry from what I really wanted. It would also be the case when anyone from outside my family unit hurled abuse at me I was always a FAT cow or a FAT slag, never just a cow or a slag…. But generally speaking I wasn’t bullied…. that is as such.
My biggest bully during my war with my body has been society and the media, always telling me that my body, all 4ft10ins of it and a wavering around a UK size 24, just isn’t good enough, it’s not what people think of as the “perfect” body, therefore it is wrong. So, from the age of 17, and over a number of years, I tried all the diets. I lost some weight, the most being 4.5 stone (this was my first diet and I was no where near the size I am now), and you guessed it, I put it all back on and some. I’d try another, and same again, and so on and so forth. During “The Dieting Years” was I happy??? Absolutely not! Yes, I could buy all the pretty, fashionable clothes, but I was miserable, and at times damn right evil!
At the time of turning 39 and entering my 40th year, I started to read plus size blogs, these women were amazing, wearing what they wanted and feeling and looking amazing! The confidence just shone through, so I started to think if they can do this, so can I…. I started by experimenting with my wardrobe, the all black outfits and the brightly coloured scarves which I used to hide behind were put away, and I tried different things, and I started to feel different too in a really good way….. And I liked it!!!! I then started my own blog, and 2 years later we are still here, and without having done this I wouldn’t have then met and become part of one of the most amazing communities you could ever come across. The people within this community have taught me that it’s okay to be different, in fact it is what makes us the people we are, I now wear what I want because it makes me feel good, I eat what I want, whether it be a burger or a salad, because that is what I want to do, and it makes me feel good, I exercise when I want (that doesn’t happen often mind), and I slob out on the sofa watching TV when I want, because it makes me happy!
Do you know what the funniest thing is about this being happy lark and doing what I want….. Although I don’t actually own a set of scales, but we all know when we put on a bit of extra poundage don’t we really, the jeans/frocks get a bit tigher, well, I seem to have found my Happy Weight, cos I don’t seem to alter much these days, I seem to have levelled off at whatever I am, I may have even lost a few pounds, not many I appreciate, but I really think I may have done, not because I have tried, want to or think I should, it’s just how it is. It’s amazing what being happy can do for you mentally and physically.
So, to recap and as my original IG post said, I was at war with my body for 40 yrs, and that is a long time for any war, and it’s tiring and miserable and I won’t do it anymore….. I am a Warrior, and a beautiful one at that, and so are you!
Do make sure to check out the hasthag #beautifulwarriors and read other peoples stories, there are so many Warriors amongst us dealing with their own battles, wearing and hiding the war wounds they have encountered along the way, let’s celebrate their courage, bravery and success in surviving and winning those battles!