Mixed Feelings….

Apologies from the off for any ranting or negativity this post may portray…

Sometime ago, I looked to embark on plus size modelling, as part of my continued growth and journey to size acceptance.  This was born from my admiration for people like Tess Munster, Sarah H Plus and Aimee Tink and how these beautiful ladies have gone out there to show the World how beautiful we all are, no matter what size we are.  I wanted to take this a step further to show that not only are us fatties beautiful but us SHORT fatties, as although there are an increasing amount of recognition for the plus size model, they are still all 5ft9in +, and at a mere 4ft1oin I wanted to show we too can do it…. with the added fact I will also be 40 in 2-weeks…. Eek!

I didn’t have much joy with StarNow, but having made the acquaintance of another plus size alternative model in my local charity shop, who’d have thunk it, eh?, who pointed me in the direction of PurplePort, I was contacted by not one but three potential TFP opportunities!  One of these photographers had in fact worked with the model I had encounter, so I thought I would start here, and promptly arranged a shoot for Monday 2nd June…. next week!

Now, here is where it starts to get a bit negative etc….. Whilst trying to determine how I wanted the shoot to go, I got to considering getting a bit more of the flesh out than normal, show off some of these amazing curves…. They take a lot of work to maintain don’t you know?  But when running it buy a member of my nearest and dearest, it was met with some negativity… Would I not be embarrassed when people saw the pictures?  Would I not be embrassed if my daughter saw them?  What would this kind of photo achieve, was there any point to it?  To name a few of the comments…..  I was also asked if I would actually ever consider wearing a bikini, at which point I did hesitate slightly, but did answer that I thought that I would now, and that I was also considering getting a crop top, to which I was promptly told if I did said person would not be seen dead with me!  It was also at this point the conversation went on to body positivity, and again said person said that in their opinion there was a fine line between being happy in your skin and denial!

So, to cut a long story short, it is almost like 1 step forward 2 steps back, I will not be getting out as much flesh as I had anticipated at the shoot, no doubt there will be some though just not as much, and I ask myself am I in denial???????

Again , sorry about the negativity, but sometimes we just have to vent and this was my time….

I have entered my blog for “Best Newcomer” in the Cosmo Blog Awards with Next 2014 as we are less than 12 months old…. If you enjoy my ramblings, I would really appreciate it if you could take the time to give me a little vote…. Follow the link here: http://www.next.co.uk/cosmo-blog-awards/

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S x

 

11 thoughts on “Mixed Feelings….

  1. Is this person your husband by any chance? Whoever it is, they sound like a bit of a dick, to be frank. It’s your body, and as long as things are tastefully done with draped fabrics and so on, there’s no need for anything to embarrass anyone. Why would you be embarrassed of your body anyway?! All bodies are beautiful just the way they are. It sounds like this person might think they own you like a possession. You are a person in your own right and if this person thinks what you might do reflects badly on you, it sounds like a terribly old fashioned attitude. Have you thought about paying for a shoot with Chiara Aprea? She’s done Mookie and Maya and they both looked lovely. I think her shoots start from as little as £50, but you’ve have to come down to London. 😀 x x x

    1. I have considered Chiara, and I hope to sort a shoot with her sometime soon, but can’t really justify the cost + travel at the moment, although I agree, very very reasonable and we have had chats…. Thank you hunnie bun xxxxx

  2. I don’t really understand why a friend would say this to you. Surely they want you to be happy and confident in your own skin? When people say things like this they act like ‘its for your own good’ but actually they’re just projecting their own insecurities. You do what makes you feel good! Xx

  3. Hi Sarah. Having faced similar”feedback” from people who I know genuinely love me I know that the initial reaction is to be hurt and confused. However, once I’d stopped being angry, I began to see their comments from a different perspective. They may be having trouble getting their head around what you are planning to do and why; but something they are probably very aware of is how people in general perceive, and treat, us fatties. In fact I believe they can feel the pain even more than us, because the comments whispered behind our backs are often within their earshot. So before you get too annoyed with your “nearest and dearest, please take a moment to wonder; is their reaction coming from their love for you? Are they clumsily trying to protect you from potential abuse and hurt? Do they have private concerns for your health and well being that they are to afraid to talk to you about incase you get mad or upset? Maybe they love you so much that they’d rather risk your anger than see you get hurt? Those who genuinely love us always try to do their best to keep us safe; it’s just that a lot of them have some funny ways of showing it! In my experience dialogue is needed to try and understand each other’s point of view.

  4. I don’t think you’re in denial. Why wouldn’t you want to feel good about yourself? It’s a cultural thing – for some reason us Brits aren’t supposed to have confidence in ourselves! I’m still learning to love myself and have toyed with the idea of a photo shoot. You should go and enjoy it and don’t let anyone spoil it for you (even if they think they’re trying to help!). 🙂

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